I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize