p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
