its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
