Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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