her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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