i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize