he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
