I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize