At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
jump out the window naked night went bad
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