I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
