Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
