I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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