found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
