Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
