My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
