Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i think i just lost a toe
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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