last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
