i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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