She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
