Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When are your genitals available?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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