why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
