No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
