I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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