tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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