She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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