I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
