He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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