Define "chronic" masturbator.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
