I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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