I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
