turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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