Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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