I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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