um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
