So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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