I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
