You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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