I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
