So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
