I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
