I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
