yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
