you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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