i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
