I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
