Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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