i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
