Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
