I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
