Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
