Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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