but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ok first of all what the fuck
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
