Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
