tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
