They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
