Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
