Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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