Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
