Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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