Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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