theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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