He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
