I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
