I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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