smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
