Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
