Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
