The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize