I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
