You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
