I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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