i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
