that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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