the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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