ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
