hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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