Too much gin, very little bucket
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
