He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
