I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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