just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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